Curse You, Perry the Platypus
by Jet Engine
Summary: He's moving things around, appearing in my dreams, doing whatever he can to communicate with me. Why is he here? Why won't he leave me alone? I know it sounds crazy, but it's true. I, Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, am being haunted by a platypus. / Contains spoilers for some episodes.
1. Prologue

**This fanfiction is based on the book, _The Dead and Buried _by Kim Harrington.**

**I plan to do an exert, like this one, in each chapter.**

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-Exert from Agent P's Logue-

_Death is always a possiblity-for lack of a better word-in my line of work. Agents don't die on the job as often as one may think, but it can happen._

_Last Thanksgiving, my best friend, Agent Tyler the Turkey, was-let's just say-killed. You can imagine how upset I was. A lot of other agents were upset, too. Tyler was a great guy. Not one member of the O.W.C.A. disliked him. Everyone misses him, but no one really talks about it, which is perfectly understandable._

_Tyler's funeral got me thinking about a few things. First, death itself. Death isn't necessarily a bad thing. Yes, it's a shame, when you lose someone you care about, but that someone who died is sent to a new kind of "home"; Heaven or Hell, depending on what the person was like. Wouldn't having a new kind of beginning make that person happy?_

_Second, my family. What would I do if I lost one of the Flynn-Fletchers? Linda and Lawrence? I'd miss them. Candace? I'm not sure how I'd feel. I'd probably be upset, but I'm sure I'd get over it. She never really liked me, but feeling wasn't exactly mutual. I don't know. Phineas and Ferb? I'd be broken beyond repair. Well, maybe that's an exaggeration. Or, maybe it's not. Hopefully, I won't have to find out._

_Third, my own death. How will everyone feel, when I die? Major Monogram, Carl, and all the agents (possibly excluding Agent Peter the Panda) would mourn for my death. Linda and Lawrence would mourn, then probably get the kids a new pet. Candace would jump for joy. Phineas and Ferb would be devastated. Doc? I don't know how he'd react. Yeah, he's my nemesis, but we __have__ been kind to one another, from time to time..._

_Finally, the afterlife. What's it like to be sent to Heaven or Hell, whichever the case may be? Is it calm and pleasant, or is it scary? What's it like in those places? Is it beautiful and peaceful in Heaven? Dark and fiery in Hell? And what about apparitions? Do ghosts really exist? If so, why do they haunt the earth? What's stopping them from being at rest?_

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**What do you think? Should I continue?**


	2. My Highly Unusual Family

**This whole story will be written from Doofenshmirtz's POV. It was a lot of fun to write from his perspective. :)**

**Oh yeah. There will also be exerts. I believe I mentioned that in the beginning.**

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-Exert from Agent P's Logue-

_Sometimes, I feel like no one cares about me. I know it's not true, but I still feel like it is. I guess everyone feels like that, some days._

_Doc found a new nemesis. He replaced me with Agent Peter the Panda from the Seattle Division. I wasn't angry. I was sad but not angry. Peter's a good friend of mine, so I can't bring myself to be mad at him._

_Can I be replaced that easily? I don't know. All I know, is that it hurt. I don't understand why. Maybe I don't hate Doc as much as I thought I did?_

_Long story short, however, the whole Peter-thing turned out to be another one of Doc's schemes. I was relieved, but Peter seemed pretty angry. He even blamed __me__ for stealing Doc from __him__. As little as I understand what goes on in that panda's head, there's one thing I'm certain of: Peter holds grudges._

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**Chapter 1: My Highly Unusual Family**

I sat at my desk in my bedroom, screwing in one last bolt into my latest invention. After doing so, I swiped the back of hand against my forehead, wiping some sweat from my brow. I looked down at the device in front of me. It looked like a silver collar, but it technically wasn't. I couldn't wait to try it out. All I needed was a guinea pig. I didn't need an _actual_ guinea pig. I meant 'guinea pig' in the metaphorical sense. I meant 'test subject,' not 'guinea pig.' Although, I could have used a real guinea pig. I just didn't have one, at the time.

Oh, I'm sorry. You're probably confused as to who's telling you all this. You're probably like, 'Who is this person? What is he like? Why is he asking me all these questions, when he's the only one who knows the answers?' Well, I'd be happy to tell you those answers.

I'm Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, but you can call me Heinz. Or Doofenshmirtz. Or Doof. Or whatever you feel like calling me. But, don't call me anything rude. 'Cause that would be, well, rude. Also, please excuse any rambling that I may end up doing. I can't help it. It just sort of happens. It's practically subconscious, like breathing and cursing your nemesis in a loud manner, after he or she, whichever the case may be, thwarts your evil scheme.

Oops. I'm rambling, again. Let's get back to the story.

I had finished working on my latest invention, and I couldn't wait to test it out a metaphorical guinea pig. I got out of my chair and walked into the living room, the collar-like device in my hand.

"Perry Jr.," I sang with my characteristic German accent. "I have a little surprise for you."

I heard a happy little chatter and, soon enough, a cute little platypup ran up to me. Perry Jr. had brown fur, a dark gray bill and tail, and the cutest little dark blue eyes, which looked in different directions - you know, like regular platypus eyes do. He came up to me, a smile on his face and his tail wagging in excitement. I'm pretty sure he liked surprises. But not the bad kind, like when it rains on the same day as your plans to go to an amusement. I meant the good kind, like when your inator - that's what I call my inventions - works better than you'd anticipated.

I knelt down in front of him and patted his furry (or feathery. I don't know if platypuses have fur or really small feathers. I'm pretty sure it's fur.) little head. I showed him my inator, and he gazed at it in curiosity.

"Behold!" I exclaimed. I tended to give my inators exaggerated introductions. "The animal-translator-inator! Okay, let's just put this around your little neck." I put it on him. To those who didn't know what it was, it looked like an ordinary silver collar. Did I mention its appearance? I'm pretty sure I did. "As you know, Perry Jr.," I said, "I can never understand a word you're saying. I'm fairly certain that you can understand _me_, but I can't understand _you_. It just doesn't seem fair. But, with the animal-translator-inator, I'll finally be able to figure out what you're saying! Try it, Perry Jr. Say something. Anything."

Perry Jr. opened his mouth to respond. What came out was not his usual tiny chatter, but a high-pitched - you know, like a little kid would have - Australian accent. "What do you want me to say, Daddy?"

Overjoyed, I threw my hands in air (and no, I did not wave them, like I just didn't care). "It works! I can understand what you're saying!"

I quickly realized what he'd said. He'd called me 'Daddy!' Oh, it was so adorable! He thought of me as his father! I was so happy!

At that moment, my robot came up to us, holding what appeared to be some kind of gift basket. Yes, I have a robot. His name is Norm, and he looks kind of like a robot-version of a human. There was a time when I'd considered him a nuisance, but lately I'd come to appreciate his company.

Even if he did occasionally crash through the door, instead of opening it.

Norm always spoke with a cheerful, yet robotic, voice, no matter how he was feeling. And, yes, I gave him emotions. "A PACKAGE ARRIVED FOR YOU, SIR."

I stood up. "Really?" There was note attached that read:

_To Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:_

_The Organization Without a Cool Acronym (O.W.C.A.) would like to congratulate your on turning over to the good side. As a reward, please accept this commemorative gift basket._

_Good luck with your new life style._

_Sincerely, Major Francis Monogram_

Well, dampened that my mood. It didn't kill it. It just dampened it, a little. You see, there was a time when I would use my inators for evil and only evil. Or the occasional childish prank. I hadn't technically turned good. I just stopped being evil. Do you get what I'm saying? Anyway, there was a reason I gave up evil.

Let me start by telling you about my nemesis, who worked for the O.W.C.A. Well..._ex_-nemesis. He was a platypus, believe it or not. He may have been cute and furry on the outside, but never judge a book by its cover. That platypus was suave, cunning, and good with a grappling hook. A semi-aquatic, egg-laying mammal of action, who always managed to thwart whatever evil scheme I had planned.

Despite this, I had actually considered this platypus a close friend. No, a _best_ friend. I know, I know. You probably think that's ridiculous. Well, think what you want! He was my best friend, and I don't care how you feel about that!

Anyway, that platypus was always so kind to me, when I wasn't doing something evil. I can't tell you how many times he saved my life, gave me a shoulder to cry on, and other friendly things.

That's why I was so upset, when he died. Especially, since... well, let's just there was a little accident with an inator. I was pretty sure that I was responsible for the platypus's death. There was no proof that I did it, so I wasn't arrested, but I knew one of my inators caused it.

After that happened, I became depressed. My daughter, Vanessa, noticed this and suggested a pet. Oh, I'm divorced, by the way. My ex-wife and I share custody of our daughter. Anyway, Vanessa suggested a pet, and I thought, 'What the heck? Why not give it a shot?'

The next day, I went down to the pet shop. I had the intention of getting a cat or a rabbit or something else normal, but imagine my surprise when I saw a baby platypus there! Immediately thinking of my ex-nemesis, I just _had_ to adopt him.

Who was my nemesis, you may be wondering? 'Agent P' is what his boss, Major Monogram, called him. I called him 'Perry the Platypus.' That's where Perry Jr. got his name, you know.

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**So, we've got the introductions out of the way. Review, please? Pretty please?**


	3. The Mysterious Platypus of Mystery

**Well, school's starting, tomorrow, so I won't be posting as much. Oh, well.**

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-Exert from Agent P's Logue-

_Ferb dreamt about the Second Dimension, last night. I know he did. He mentioned "clones" of him and his brother, a song about summer, and a cyborg platypus._

_I was __really__ nervous, when I heard Phineas combine the two words into "Platyborg."_

_To make matters worse, the very same morning, Phineas mentioned dreaming about __me__. Wearing a __fedora__. And __fighting robots__._

_If they end up realizing that those events actually occurred... I might be relocated. I sure as heck hope they passed them off as dreams and nothing more._

_I'd be devastated, if I had to say goodbye and leave them forever._

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**Chapter 2: The Mysterious Platypus of Mystery**

Perry Jr. was acting weird. He kept disappearing, then he'd come back, a little later. And, when he did come back, he'd be grinning from ear to ear. Well, platypuses - or is it platypi? Platy-people? - don't actually have ears, but you know what I mean.

When I'd ask him about it, he'd just giggle and walk in the other direction. I had a feeling that there was something he wasn't telling me.

Norm's voice made me jump in shock. "ARE YOU OKAY, SIR?"

I blinked. I had only just realized that I was pacing around on my balcony. I glared at Norm. "Norm, you scared the pants off me!"

"NO, I DID NOT. YOU ARE STILL WEARING PANTS."

"It's an expression, Norm." I noticed Perry Jr. jump on to the couch. He was probably going to take a nap, there, or something. I returned my attention to the robot in front of me. "Has Perry Jr. been acting weird, to you?"

"I DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN." Norm said.

I rolled my eyes at his air-headed-ness. Wait, can robots be air-heads? I think so. I mean, they probably have heads that literally have air in them, but-

I'm rambling again, aren't I? Yeah, that's what I thought...

"Well, I'm gonna talk to him," I said, walking into the living room, "and I'm gonna get some answers."

"LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU FIND OUT, DAD."

"And I am not-" I was going to tell him that I wasn't his father, but I decided against it. "Never mind."

Yes, I built him, but I didn't want him to call me his father. I didn't to end up getting attached to him, just to have Perry the Platypus destroy him, like he destroyed my other inventions.

Guess I didn't have to worry about that, anymore, huh?

I came up to the couch and saw the little guy staring at the TV remote.

He looked up at me. Well, I think he tried to. When your platypus's eyes face different directions, it's hard to tell, but I think he was looking at me.

"Which button turns on the TV, Daddy?" Perry Jr. asked. "I wanna watch _Gravity Falls_."

I sat down next to him. "You can watch TV, later, Perry Jr. Right now, I need to ask you something."

"What is it?"

"Where have you been going, lately? I mean, you just disappear, then you come back. And, when I ask where you've been, you just giggle. Why do you do that? What's so secret that you can't tell me?"

Perry Jr. nodded. "Okey-dokey, Daddy. I'll tell you where I've been going."

_Really?_ I thought suspiciously. _It's been that easy for him to just say it?_

Perry Jr. grinned. "I've been visiting my new friend! He lives in the storage room."

I was taken aback by this. The storage room was where I kept my old inators. Who on earth would live in there? Unless...

"You better not have befriended another spider," I said sternly. "You know those things freak me out."

He shook his head. "Nope. Not a spider. A platypus!"

"A platypus?" I asked, incredulous. What would a platypus - besides Perry Jr. - be doing in my home? "Are you sure?"

"Yes," Perry Jr. answered, nodding. "Yes, I am. He's kinda funny-looking, though."

"What do you mean?"

Perry Jr. looked around. It was like he didn't want anyone else to hear him, or something. I didn't really understand why that would be, but I went along with it.

When he was apparently sure we were the only ones in earshot, he said, "He has teal fur, his eyes go in the same direction - kind of like yours, only brown - and he wears a funny hat. He even stands on two feet, like you do."

That description stabbed at my heart. It didn't literally stab my heart. That wouldn't make any sense. Descriptions cannot physically injure you. Emotionally, however...

Basically, the description hurt me emotionally. You see, Perry Jr. had - unknowingly - described my old nemesis perfectly. Teal fur. Focused brown eyes. Stands up like a little person. The "funny hat," which was a brown fedora, in Perry the Platypus's case. Yep, I could just picture Perry the Platypus.

But, wait. Perry the Platypus was dead. How could Perry Jr. have seen him?

"There was something else weird about him, too," Perry Jr. snapped me out of my thoughts. "He had this weird, white fog around the legs he was standing on. And, he always looks like he's trying to talk - well, makes platypus-sounds - to me, but no sound comes out of his mouth."

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**Sometimes, there's nothing left to say but, "Review!"**


	4. Chatting with Vanessa

**I'm back from the dead! Just kidding. Or am I?**

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-Exert from Agent P's Logue-

_The security tapes __did__ make it seem that way. I saw a few clips. Me stealing money. Me being chased by the police. Me littering._

_Part of me's hurt that the major would accuse me of going rogue. The other part doesn't blame him._

_I had a feeling that a certain fifteen-dollar-doctor was behind this, so I snuck my way to D.E.I. Apparently, Doc had created evil clones of me to do his bidding. Those clones really put up a fight (except that defective one, who kept hitting Doc with a pipe). In the end, however, I managed to defeat them and clear my name._

_I hope I got rid of all the clones. Who knows what would happen if I missed one?_

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**Chapter 3: Chatting with Vanessa**

I believe I've told you about how I'm divorced, and my ex-wife, named Charlene, and I share custody of our daughter. I've told you that, right? I think so. I have Vanessa on weekends.

Vanessa was sixteen, at the time. She was really pretty, if you ask me. You didn't ask me, did you? Well, you should have. She had straight, medium-length brown hair and blue eyes, like mine. I like to think that she has my eyes.

She was wearing a jacket, what I think were called 'skinny jeans' and boots, all of which were black. Her style, back then, was vampire-pilgrim-scuba-diver. At least, that's what I called it.

She and I were sitting on the couch. Vanessa picked up her magazine from the coffee table, after I told what Perry Jr. saw.

I'll admit that I was a little unnerved by Perry Jr.'s description of his 'friend.' Especially that part about the white fog.

"So, what do you think?" I asked her, once I'd finished explaining.

Vanessa rolled her eyes. "I think you need to get out, more."

"What do you mean?" Is what I asked, because I had no clue what she meant.

She sighed. "Dad, you _seriously_ believe that Perry Jr. saw your old nemesis?"

I shrugged. "Well, it sure sounded like he did. I mean, what other platypus do you know, who looks like that? The answer? None. No platypus looks like Perry the Platypus. Except for those Perry the Platypus clones I made, but I'm fairly certain that all of those got destroyed. So, there are no platypuses that look like Perry the Platypus. It's a fact."

"Dad," Vanessa said, "there is no way Perry Jr. saw Perry, because Perry's...well, you know."

_Dead,_ I finished mentally, quickly pushing away the thought. I rubbed my chin in thought. "Then, how could Perry Jr. have seen him?"

"It could have just been a platypus, who looked similar to Perry."

"Maybe..."

There was a long pause, as I considered this conclusion, and Vanessa started reading her magazine. Maybe, if I could see this platypus with my own eyes, then I could determine whether or not it really was Perry the Platypus.

I asked Vanessa, "Hey, where's Perry Jr.?"

Vanessa shrugged. "Beats me. Why? Are you gonna ask him about Ghost-Perry?"

I knew she meant to be sarcastic, but I couldn't help considering what she'd said. Ghost-Perry? _Ghost_? _Perry_?

The thought made me shutter. "Do you think ghosts exist?"

"I was being sarcastic."

"I know, but...do you?"

Vanessa raised an eyebrow at me. "Don't tell me you're actually taking me seriously?"

"Yes. Yes, I am."

Vanessa smacked her forehead. "Dad, what possible reason could Perry have to be haunting you? And, no, I'm not agreeing with you about ghosts existing."

"Well," I said, "Perry the Platypus _was_ my nemesis. So, I've probably done _something_ that would make him want revenge, or something."

Then, it hit me. That day. My inator. Perry the Platypus died because of one of my inators. I didn't mean for it to happen, but did Perry the Platypus know that? Surely, he didn't think it was intentional...?

Something landed on my lap and jolted me out of my thoughts. I looked down. Perry Jr. was trembling, his eyes shut tightly.

Vanessa seemed just as surprised as me. "What's the matter, Perry Jr.?" she asked him.

I got a better looked at him. At that moment, I felt a strange mixture of concern and anger. Concern for Perry Jr. Anger at whoever did that to him.

There was a small cut just beneath his eye.

"Perry Jr.," I said, "what happened? Who did this to you?"

Perry Jr. was still trembling, and his eyes were still closed. When he spoke, it sounded kind of like he was fighting tears. "The platypus isn't nice, anymore!"

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**Sorry about the cliffhanger. Well, not really. :P**


	5. Temperatures that Make No Sense

**Behold! The next chapter...inator...**

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-Exert from Agent P's Logue-

_I didn't mind getting a new nemesis. A new __host-family__, however... I cried after I saw Phineas worrying about me. No host-family could even come close to being as amazing as the Flynn-Fletchers. __Especially__ not this host-family. Let's just say they weren't exactly smart...or that great with animals... They weren't abusive or anything like that. They just...didn't seem to know how to care for a pet._

_My new nemesis was called "The Regurgitater." He was...something... I'm not sure what, but he was something. He was __way__ more exaggerated than Doc, and he apparently had some kind of machine that created thunder and lightning, for emphasize on, well, everything._

_Doc, whether he knew it or not, seemed to come to my rescue when he became The Regurgitater's intern. In less than five minutes, his stupidity got me out of a trap, blew up The Regurgitater's lair, and got me my family back. I thanked him, but he can never understand me, so I guess it was a waste of breath._

_Still, I thought I heard The Regurgitater shout something like, "I shall now plot my revenge!" or something like that, as the force of the explosion threw him in jail. I guess it's true, what Carl said: We keep pushing him down, but he keeps coming back up._

_Yep, it's even gross when I type it._

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**Chapter 4: Temperatures that Make No Sense**

Vanessa was busy tending to Perry's Jr.'s injury, so I decided to give his so-called-friend a piece of my mind.

Why do people say that they'll give someone 'a piece of their minds?' You cannot take off parts of your own mind. Moreover, why would you give it to someone? What weirdo thought of that phrase, anyway?

Back to the story.

Since Perry Jr. mentioned the platypus being in the storage room, I decided to search in there. I opened the door and turned on the lights. My storage room was really big. I mean, _really_ big. I kept all my inators in it.

What? I had a lot of inators. Don't judge me.

I searched the room. That platypus - whoever he or she was - was _not_ going to get away with hurting my little buddy.

Suddenly, I felt really cold. Assuming that the thermostat was broken, I shrugged it off as nothing and kept looking for anything platypus-related. Oddly enough, nothing.

"WHATCHA DOIN'?" I heard Norm ask. It was a good thing I had Norm-sized doors built, or else the door wouldn't have still been there.

"I'm trying to find the platypus that hurt Perry Jr.," I told him. I shivered and rubbed my arms. "Hey, Norm, what's the temperature in here?"

A slot on Norm's arm opened up, revealing a thermometer. He looked at it. "40 DEGREES FARENHEIT, SIR."

"What?" I said in disbelief. "Let me see that." He walked to me and showed me the thermometer. Sure enough, it said '40 degrees Fahrenheit.' "The thermostat must be broken, or something," I voiced my previous thoughts.

The cold disappeared almost as suddenly as it came. I looked at Norm's thermometer. It read, '70 degrees Fahrenheit.'

"What just happened?" I wondered aloud.

Norm looked at his thermometer. "NOW, IT SAYS, '70 DEGREES FARENHEIT."

"Yes," I agreed absent-mindedly. "Yes, it does."

Why would the temperature have just dropped, like that, then return to normal? Temperatures didn't do that, did they? I was pretty sure they didn't.

Norm and I went back into the living room to find Perry Jr. sitting on Vanessa's lap, the two of them watching _Gravity Falls_. It was the pilot episode: the episode with the gnomes. I didn't mind the episode, but I hated the fact that it was about gnomes. You see, when I was a small boy in my home-country, Drusselstein, my family was poor. My parents had to sell our precious lawn gnome to pay off some of the dept. Since there was no lawn gnome to protect our garden from witches, spells, and wood trolls, I was forced to dress as a lawn gnome and stand there for hours. All through the night... My only companions were the moon and my neighbor, Kenny.

Oh, sorry. You probably didn't come here to listen one of my many tragic back-stories. I just wanted to explain why I hated lawn gnomes. It just seemed important to do. You know, just in case you didn't know.

Where was I? Oh, yeah, Vanessa and Perry Jr.

The two of them shivered, then looked up at me. I noticed that it _had_ gotten cold, again.

"Dad," Vanessa said, "is the thermostat broken, or something?"

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Later that night, I was in the shower, still confused about the bizarre drop in temperature. Speak of the devil - another phrase I don't understand - I was freezing when I stepped out of the shower.

"I'm cold?" I thought aloud. "I just got out of the hot shower, and I'm cold? How does that make any sense?"

I glanced at the mirror and did a double take - wow, there are a lot of phrases I don't understand - when I realized what was written in the steam. You know, when the mirror gets foggy from steam, and you can write things on it with your finger? Well, that's what happened. There was something written on the mirror: Perry the Platypus.

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**Dun. Dun. DUN. Review!**

**Also, "I shall now plot my revenge!" is from the cartoon, _T.U.F.F. Puppy_. It seemed like something The Regurgitater would say.**


	6. Not Exactly Impossible

**I wanted to post this before Halloween. So, I did. :)**

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-Excert from Agent P's Logue-

_Her name is Paige. Paige the Platypus. I don't know what it is about her. Her beautiful brown fur, her captivating blue eyes, her sweet yet sassy personality? I don't know, and, frankly, I don't care._

_Pinky thinks I deserve someone "smart," as he put it. What does he know? He's a Chihuahua. He doesn't know anything about platypuses._

_Yes, Paige is a mindless animal. I don't mind. I think I'm in love with her, nonetheless._

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**Chapter 5: Not Exactly Impossible**

The cold was still there and so was Perry the Platypus's name written on the mirror. I kept staring at it. Part of me was having a panic attack. Part of me thought it was a trick. Part of me thought I was hallucinating. Part of me didn't know which part to agree with.

You know that feeling you get when something that you thought was impossible suddenly turns out to be possible. Yeah, I had that feeling. And, it wasn't the first time I'd ever had that feeling. Sometimes, I'm out in the suburbs, and I see things like a roller coaster and 'Cheese-topia' (which is apparently utopia with cheese) and a giant robot-platypus. All of these things, and more, were in some kids' backyard! I don't know who those kids were, but I'm certain they're rich. I mean, hello? How else could they afford to have all that stuff?

The part of me that was having a panic attack took over, and I hastily wiped the writing off the mirror with my hands as the cold disappeared. I quickly put on my bathrobe and left the bathroom, slamming the door behind me and leaning against it, panting in terror.

_You were just imagining things,_ I tried to reason with myself. _Perry the Platypus is dead. How could he have written on your mirror?_

Unfortunately, I was having trouble believing myself.

"ARE YOU-"

I gasped and clutched my chest. I felt like was going to have a heart attack or a stroke or something. I relaxed a little when I'd realized it was only Norm.

"ARE YOU OKAY, SIR?" he asked. "YOU SEEM JUMPY."

"Norm, you glorified toaster!" I snapped before I could stop myself. "You could have given me a heart attack or a stroke or something! And, then I would have in the hospital! Then, what!?"

Norm's mechanical smile turned up-side-down. Literally, it spun one hundred eighty degrees and turned into a frown.

I felt bad. I hadn't meant to yell at him. But, you know how it is when you have a panic attack. You can't control yourself.

Regaining my composure, I said, "Sorry, Norm. I didn't mean to snap at you."

Norm regained his smile, making me feel a little less guilty. "APOLOGY ACCEPTED, DAD. NOW, WHAT'S WRONG?"

I gulped. There was no random drop in temperature, but I shivered nonetheless. "N-nothing," I answered hesitantly. "Nothing's wrong. And, if something _was_ wrong, I'd be blurting it out, like I always do."

"ARE YOU SURE, DAD?"

"Norm, why don't you go get a hair cut, or something?" Whenever I wanted to distract Norm, I'd tell him to get a hair cut. I'm not really sure why...

Norm walked away, saying, "YOU'RE THE BOSS."

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That night, I was doing research on the computer, wearing my pajamas. Okay, I realize that last sentence might have confused you. The computer was _not_ wearing my pajamas. _I_ was wearing my pajamas. The computer was wearing, well, nothing. It was a computer. Computers don't wear clothes. I'm fairly certain about that.

The temperature hadn't dropped since the incident in the bathroom, and I took that as a good sign. Just in case, however, I decided to do a little research on ghosts. I chose the Internet because the Internet is always right. I think.

I checked a bunch of websites, and I learned several things:

1. Vanessa knows more about how to work computers than I do.

2. Ghosts are made of energy - whatever that's supposed to mean - and do not have an actual body.

3. Ghosts can choose who sees them. This meant that the Perry the Ghost-apus, as I had started calling him, wanted Perry Jr. to see him, for some reason.

4. Ghosts are never naked. This confused me, since Perry Jr. didn't say anything about Perry the Ghost-apus wearing clothes. Unless, of course, fedoras count. Or, maybe that rule didn't apply to animals. I wasn't sure.

5. This one made me even more nervous. Apparently, ghosts can possess the living and control them.

And, 6. Ghosts can move things around and appear in people's dreams.

Speaking of dreams, I realized that it was, like, one-in-the-morning, I think. I know it was somewhere around there. The whole 'ghosts-appearing-in-dreams-thing' made me a little worried about falling asleep, but I still fell asleep pretty quickly.

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_I was in some kind of cage, and I was looking at myself! I was looking at myself! And, I couldn't pretend I wasn't there because I was looking at myself! I - as in the me I was not looking at - clutched the bars of the cage, and I realized that my hands were teal and furry. I also seemed to have no control over them. Or any other body-parts, for that matter. This lead me to realize that I must have been in Perry the Platypus's body, or something like that._

_Other-Me was cackling in an evil manner. "Behold!" he exclaimed, gesturing dramatically to a really big laser-thingy. "The very-very-bad-inator!"_

_I remembered that inator. I had built it using parts from previous inators. Before I could see what it did, Perry the Platypus had destroyed it. I had rebuilt it..._

_The day Perry the Platypus died._

_"You remember this inator, don't you?" Other-Me asked. "You destroyed it before we could see what it did? Do you remember that?" Perry the Me didn't respond, so Other-Me continued. "Well, today we'll find out exactly what it does."_

_Other-me pointed the very-very-bad-inator to Perry the Me. I felt Perry the Platypus's glare deepen. He didn't seem afraid, but he didn't know what was coming next._

_I remembered that day, perfectly._

_Other-me grinned maniacally. "Now, Perry the Platypus, prepare for your...whatever this thing will do to you!"_

_I remembered firing the inator..._

I jolted upright. I was in my bedroom, sitting up in my bed. The pain I, for some reason, felt was unbearable. I clenched my teeth in an attempt to keep from screaming. Pained tears streamed down my cheeks. My entire body felt like I had been shot by a whole lot of shotguns. Was this how Perry the Platypus felt when my inator killed him?

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**Review! Also, Happy Halloween (in case I don't post before then)!**


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